Wobbling Into the Holidays

 

Vantage point from Observatory Mesa. Currently we still have hiking conditions but there is probably snow up there on Mount Elden between the trees. It's been cloudy the last few days, reminding me of when I lived back east, where it is cloudy all winter. As we approach the solstice, the chances of snow go up, and indeed there is more predicted for this week.

It seems over the last few years I've spent more and more time recovering from injuries and illnesses to the point that it's basically my personality now. I have mostly recovered from the shoulder injury I mentioned in previous posts, but now I re-injured my foot that I messed up around about 2010. This happens occasionally but it doesn't seem to be healing this time. Pretty frustrating.

Other things:

Christmas is coming. I'm teetering on the brink of running behind on my preparations.

I'm shopping for land, despite the fact that I probably can't afford it. It runs in the family.

I'm stuck on my novel again. I know what needs to be written (approximately) but lack motivation. It's over 16,000 words. Half of it is junk but most writers and editors say it is best to move forward and finish the first draft. That which is finished can be fixed, but you can't fix something that isn't complete.

In addition to the injuries, I lack the motivation to setup my spin bike in the garage. As a consequence, my cardiovascular fitness continues to slip. I did this last year too.

Winter is such a tough time of year for me, and we haven't even gotten to the solstice yet. I'm counting the days.

Solo In A Doomed Forest

 

Old double track near the airport with Agassiz Peak on the horizon.

We just went through a long Thanksgiving weekend - extra long for me due to mandatory PTO. Five consecutive days off. I was on call for the first three but decided to go ahead and do some short hikes with a laptop in a backpack. I know it's ridiculous but it's better than sitting around at home.

One of the hikes was in an area of forest that is doomed, near the airport, where a major boulevard is disconnected by perhaps a couple of miles (see my previous post). One end is near a community college, the other goes by the airport and has an interchange with I-17. They plan to connect the two, which will cut through an area of pine forest and meadow typical of Northern Arizona.

Lonely single track. These trails are completely unmarked "social" trails. It felt pretty lonely and quiet. This path was well used but I eventually found myself on very faint trail that was hard to follow.

This time I branched out into some lonely forest. I've been hiking since I was a kid and probably more solo than with anyone else, so I'm confident most of the time. This time I got an eerie feeling like I was being watched. It didn't help that the air was nearly dead-calm, an unusual condition for the Flagstaff area at any time of year. I felt like I was being watched. Mountain lion? Maybe. I saw almost no birds and only a couple of squirrels but most of the loop I carved out was silent.

I was surprised to see a little bit of snow remaining from the previous storm, which was light and a week and a half old. Light snow tends not to last here due to the dry and thin air and usual daytime temps above freezing.

Upon reviewing my Strava track, I can see that I was never far from houses, but you can't tell when you are out there walking around on faint trail covered with pine needles. There was some deer spore and tracks, and possible some elk. I think that area is a crucial wildlife corridor that may be lost. Where there are elk and deer, there are mountain lions. I suspect there was a lion in there. I kept looking up in the trees, where lions often sleep, but saw nothing. I think something saw me.

The main indicator of civilization was the occasional arrival and departure of jets. As far as plane spotting, I saw a Honda Jet. I think it's he first time I've seen one. I wasn't fast enough with my phone camera. For some reason, there are relatively few propeller planes at the Flagstaff Airport, considering it is a relatively small, rural airport. I can't think of why that should be. But we have commercial service of a few flights a day and this is a place where wealthy people charter flights in, or even fly in on their own business jets. It seems like it's mostly jets here, and some military traffic practicing at a high altitude runway.

Of necessity, the boulevard will soon cut directly through the strip of forest I was exploring. It isn't spectacular or anything, but I still grieve the necessity of its destruction. Growth here is inevitable, with attendant infrastructure, because it is beautiful, it is close to Sedona and the Grand Canyon, and has a moderate climate compared to the rest of Arizona. Flagstaff is destined to become part of an urban corridor that will stretch from Twin Arrows Casino in the east, through Flagstaff, and as far as Williams in the west. There may also be city stretching south along I-17 for some distance. I think there may someday be hundreds of thousands of people living here. It will keep growing as long as there is water and land available. How much of the forest and prairie will be left? Hopefully most of it but probably not much in or near the city limits. I guess it's not my problem. I will probably be gone before the growth tops out - one way or another. I'm not getting any younger and will probably retire back east closer to family.

Walking through this lonely stretch of forest and meadow was poignant, knowing it will soon be gone forever.

Noise

 

ESPN carefully plans their broadcasts to avoid even one second of silence. Speakers talk quickly in turn. Crowd noise fills in the gaps. Music plays during transitions.

What is the opposite of white noise? It seems science is not particularly clear on this.

White noise is a steady hiss that our brains do not interpret to have order or meaning. Many people use it to help go to sleep. It's almost as good as silence itself and can be used as a substitute where we can't eliminate ambient noise.

I say the opposite of white noise is the orderly but continuous stream of sound meant to affect our mood and perceptions that we hear from our televisions or the loud speakers of a live sporting event. It's the advertisements, the cheerleaders, the quick clips from pop songs, the laugh tracks. The people who purvey such products never want a moment of silence. Events and sounds are carefully scheduled so there can never be peace. It's choreographed noise. They want to use every moment to sell us things, generate "energy" in the audience, and affect our mood and attitude, for example to create an exciting environment for a basketball game.

The older I get, the more difficult I find it to tolerate the continuous stream of noise.

I think society would be better if we valued silence more. Of course, people have been saying that for centuries (millennia?). It seems that noise is as desirable to at least as many of us humans as silence. The problem is that noise can cancel silence, but silence can't cancel noise.

Grid Independence

The grid lights early evening. But what if it failed? Or what if it became chronically unreliable, as is the norm in some parts of the world?

I ordered solar panels for my house. The installation dates are in early December, so we will hope for favorable weather. I'll feel relieved after they are installed. I ordered a battery system with them so I can have grid-independent electricity in the event of an area failure. I could also buy a gasoline or diesel generator, but in that case I would be dependent on the fuel supply chain (though I may buy one anyway for redundancy). If I get an electric vehicle, I will also have petroleum-independent transportation as well as battery backup.

It amazes me so many people are hostile to solar panels. I think they have been exposed to fossil fuel industry sponsored commentary. Capability of living off the grid is basic self-reliance. Granted, it is expensive. People have asked me if the solar panels and battery will pay for themselves. Since I had to finance, that's a bit of a question mark, but any deficit seems worth it to me. I'm purchasing independence from the grid.

I hope to never need to be completely self-reliant for a long period of time, but the recent election shows that the electorate still has not solved the riddle of political stability. Political instability often exists in a negative feedback loop with other types of instability. I think we continue our slide into the abyss.

Shoulder Asymmetry

 

Not looking my best this morning but you can easily see one of my shoulders is smaller than the other. It is also lower but that is a consequence of mild scoliosis I've had since childhood. Generally I haven't been working out other than the PT for the left shoulder (note the mirror reverses the image).

I've been working out according to the assignments of the physical therapists and assistants. I still can't quite do as much as they have assigned but I do what I can. The funny thing is since the therapy focuses on the injury, now my supposedly "weak" left shoulder is much larger than my right. It's normally a little bit larger due to scoliosis but not to the degree you see above. And I am right handed. This is unacceptable.

I started using dumbbells on my right side again. Since the injury I haven't done a normal workout for at least 6 or 7 weeks now. It seems obvious that I should do the same routine on my right shoulder that I do on my left shoulder, but I kind of hate the exercises. They are relatively light and not intuitive (as usual with physical therapy). Eventually the rubber theraband always snaps. I've broken a few over the years. One time I ended up with a red mark on my face from the snap-back.

I still hope to avoid surgery but the pain continues despite improved strength. I can handle a sling but I don't want to be in a restrictive shoulder cast.

Songwriting

 

My cramped, cluttered, dusty, "music studio." Jasmine by Takamine, Yamaha, Moog, Squier, GarageBand, and a Fender practice amp. And a cat. Yes, I know I have too much stuff and need to get rid of things.

I've tried to write songs since I was a teenager, which was a long time ago. Every couple or three years I would pull dusty instruments out of the corner and try playing. I eventually composed a few instrumentals but struggled with words. I can find good melodies within me but it's very difficult to write good lyrics.

I think I have finally succeeded in writing a complete song. And what's more - I like it. It is likely a country song. The basic musical phrase for the verses came to me in a dream. I was walking around outdoors with this woman I know only from Instagram, and there was music in the background. It was the voice of Kenny Chesney, but I could not make out the lyrics. The music was indistinct and the scenario was like that of a childhood memory. We went to the Indiana State Fair with my Aunt Patty, and we were walking down the midway behind the grandstand and could hear the echoing sound system. You could hear the music but you couldn't make out the words.

I remembered it when I woke up and recorded it. It's been a process of a couple of years to compose lyrics that I think are acceptable. Still, I found myself singing the melody on countless mornings in the shower. The next thing is to create a rough recording. After that I'm unsure about the process. I think the song needs published and then can be pitched. I'm practicing guitar and singing. I can get my guitar chops back, but the main problem is that I can't sing. I also do not currently have a good microphone. I may end up trying to find somebody to record the vocal track. It might be worth paying a college kid a few bucks.

Business

 

The late monsoon has capped the peaks with snow several times already, even as the trees still have their leaves. The gold marks stands of aspen.

By Business, I mean as much busy-ness as literal business. I haven't posted this month and we approach the end of it. I've just been very busy with both work and personal business. I've also had my calendar filled up with physical therapy appointments due to the shoulder injury I mentioned before.

So far the PT isn't helping, which isn't good news. I don't want to have surgery but I think it's apparent the shoulder will never be the same again either way. I imagined spending my retirement playing golf. That's looking unlikely now. Fortunately I seem to be able to paddle without aggravating the injury, so at least I still have that.

I have found a little time for bicycling and hiking, but the monsoon really didn't end until just now, despite the official end of the season being September 30th according to the National Weather Service.

I guess this post ended up just being a bread crumb dropped to say "I was here."